Thankful Thursday

Today, I'm going to search deep to find something to be thankful about because, quite frankly, I'm not feeling much of anything other than crappy tonight. There are some nights that I just feel like the world is not my friend, and there are no people that I can completely lean on. I know in my heart that this isn't true, and that there are people I can count on, but it seems at times like satan is doing everything he can do to make me feel isolated from others. I won't go in to specifics, but I will say that sometimes I feel like no matter how close I get to someone or how much I think I can depend on someone, sooner or later, they will let me down. I'm not too sure how to get over this feeling and just open my heart to people regardless of how they treat me, but I have this huge wall up to protect myself and so far, I've not been able to break it down. Just once, I'd like to meet someone who would prove me wrong. (Even as I say that, I know it's not true; there are many people who have been there with me through thick and thin. To them, they have my love and devotion forever) Maybe I'm mostly referring to men, but not totally-this applies to all relationships and myself. Anyway, I'm rambling. Sorry. I don't usually get on a soapbox in such a public forum, but life isn't all bells and whistles, is it?
Having said all this, I'm eternally grateful for friends who I feel I can call on at any time and I know they'll be there for me, even if I'm being silly. This weekend is an example. Amanda B. and I are going to King of Prussia for a clothing shopping spree. And I love her for telling me that I'm the only one she'd want to do this with. I'm grateful for her friendship and anyone else that can shop with me. I like to look at everything! (Hey, maybe there's my problem with men......I've often heard that men don't like to shop....)
Okay, I'm done. And now I'm just going to be grateful for those eternal friends that I do have.